Maybe he’s right

Could it be that I am fooling myself? Wanting it so bad that I am oblivious to reality? Perhaps…

I just found out the a friend of mine has already gotten a divorce after 2 years of marriage and my god sister has gotten divorced after 5 years of marriage. That is such a huge reality blow…divorce does happen.

I have been pushing B to be the person I want him to be and pushing him to want to get married. Maybe he was right when he said that I should leave him and go find someone better. Its just so hard to do that, I love him so much it hurts. I cannot see my life without him, but when I think about it, I can’t see us as husband and wife.He’s a good person, just under motivated.

I really don’t think I could find someone who can accept me as I am ( I’m not a skinny-mini) AND is cool with me being a mother. At least not a good man who’s going somewhere in his life. From my experience, men without a lot of money/possessions  treat their women a lot better than men who have  the money/possessions.

I have tried to get to know some guys from school, but I only seem to attract the creepy annoying ones. Come on, how hard is it to find one decent man? One who is doing something with his life and has money, a vehicle AND is supporting himself on his own…one that isn’t a complete asshole.

Does this man exist? If so, please point me to him!

You’re not good enough for me? Seriously???

What’s going on with my relationship?!?! Since when do men tell their girlfriends they should just leave them and find someone else? That’s pretty much what B is saying me…. He’s not good enough for me and I shouldn’t be wasting my time dating him.

First, B asked me why I would want to be stuck with someone who isn’t going anywhere. Then he tells me that I am still young and he doesn’t want 10 years to go by and I regret wasting so much time on him.

I don’t know what brought this on. We have been together for 3 years and this is just coming up. The only thing I can think of that would spark his thoughts would be finding out how much I can make after I graduate college. I think he feels threatened. In his line of work and with the way our economy is going, he will probably only make $13/hr at most and I could make around $20/hr with my degree.

We have discussed him going back to school and picking up a certificate in something so he can make a little more money. He could have a certificate in something in less that two years. He is really afraid to go back to school, he ended up dropping out of high school to get a GED. I really want him to go back to school because I don’t think that he could survive doing what he does now. I also want him to get a certificate and a good job so that he can shove it in his families face. He has been told ever since he was about 13 that he would always be a bum and never amount to anything. B admits that being told that as a kid did have a negative affect on his life.

I love this man more than anyone should ever love another person. I have gotten to the point where I can’t see my life without him. I just don’t really know how to approach this situation. I know love doesn’t put food on the table, but it has to amount to something. Doesn’t it? I don’t want to call it quits, especially for this reason. How do I convince him that making less then your partner does not make you less of a man?

Quit Blaming God!

It really burns me up inside when I hear people blame God for all of their problem. It’s NOT Gods fault, its YOUR fault. You are obviously not doing what you should be doing. When bad things happen in to you its because God is like “hey, they don’t want to listen so I am stepping back and letting them do what they want to do.” At that moment, Satan steps in are reeks havoc on your life, NOT God. Now think about it… Do you really thing that God is a vengeful God and he WANTS to see you get hurt? Do you think he wants you to died due to sickness and disease??? Do you think he wants you to be stung out on drugs, alcohol or what ever your issue may be? Do you think he wants your family to suffer? I don’t think so.

Another thing…stop thinking everything is God’s will. Do you think it’s Gods’ will for all of those horrible things listed above to happen to you? When people say stuff like “if its God’s will for me to do/have whatever, then I will have it”, thats a cop out. They are putting everything and God’s hands and assuming no responsibility over their own actions. Do you think that all you have to do to get into heaven is read your bible and go to church every Sunday and perhaps be nice? No! It’s your actions! The other things are important too, but your actions speak volumes!

Thank God for everything good in your life! Also, thank God daily for the things you’d like in your life. Whether it be a new home, a car, a better job, a husband/wife, children, a different situation…. What it is. Here’s a slightly humorous scenario that might help you understand the concept:

There was a little boy who wanted a new bike for Christmas. So everyday he would go up to his father and say “Thank you daddy for my new bike.” Months went by and the little boy was still thanking him father for his new bike. His father was so impressed by his sons actions (and slightly annoyed) that he bought that child a new bike… before Christmas time.

Trying practicing when you are reading and do more than just read the pages in the book. Dig deep and research the words you are reading. You have to remember, the meaning of words change over time. So a word we use now, probably doesn’t have the quite same meaning it did back then. So you could be completely misinterpreting what you are reading. Remember, the Bible has been translated and translators can interpret things differently, So its up to you to find the true meaning.

Check these scriptures out: John 10:10, Hosea 4:6, Psalms 91: 7-10, Gal. 1:4, Proverbs 1:20-31, Luke 21:26, Matt. 12:34, Proverbs 1:33, Job 3:25-26, Joshua 1:8, James 1:13-17, Deuteronomy 30:19

Happy Reading!

**Disclaimer: I never claim to be saved or a Christian. I believe in God and what is written in the Bible. I am being ignorant because I know the path to take, but I am not following it at the moment. I know if I were to drop dead now, I’d end up in Hell. So don’t judge me, at least I’m willing to say I’m being stupid!**

I think I made the right choice

I had gotten pregnant when I was 18 by the first looser who made me feel like someone special. He was soo excited when he saw that the test was positive, I was… lets just say less than enthused. He wanted to take me straight to the store to buy me maternity clothes and baby things.

When the time came that I had to tell my folks that I had been knocked up, then had just had a friend of the family do a background check on him. Turns out he was, for lack of a better word, a nut case. He knew just want to say to me to keep me around. At that moment, I had never felt more stupid in my life. I knew there were a few red flags, but I was young and dumb and just figured it was no big deal.

My folks told me that I needed to just get away from him and never talk to him again. So I told him that I had an abortion. He was so devastated and it crushed me to have to lie to someone who was so happy. Everyday, when I think about that Sunday afternoon when I took the test and saw the joy in his eyes when he saw the results, I cry because I keep thinking that I made a mistake keeping his son away from him. Everyday until today….

Today I did a little checking up on him just to see where he is living (he moves around a lot) and what not. Last I knew he had a girlfriend and was living about an hour away from here. When I look today I find out he has moved back to his home town like 20 minutes from here, he and his girlfriend have split up AND he has a baby boy on the way. That made me wonder….Why are they no longer together especially since shes having HIS baby? It seems that he changed for the worst after she got pregnant and she couldn’t take his shit anymore and left.

Now I know without a doubt that I made the right choice. He really does have issues and I am much better off not having him in mine or my sons life. The last thing I need is some nut case that’s in and out of jail in my life.

So no more worries about what could have been, No more tears shed…it’s a lesson learned and I have the most handsome and well behaved little boy anyone could ask for.

Here we go…

…My first post.

I have had a history of being a horrible blogger. Either I get too busy to remember to write, I’ve had someone I wanted to blog about but didn’t because I didn’t want to offend anyone or I just flat out down feel like doing one. I am really really really going to try to keep up with this one, I think it could be therapeutic or something along those lines. So Cheers to a brand new blog!